I know that everyone has their opinions on video games – myself included. Personally, I’m think screen time should be VERY limited and I’m a big advocate for nature-based play, when it’s an option. I know life is varied and busy and different for everyone, but in the interests of self-disclosure, that’s my view.
OK. So, my kid is 8 and likes to play video games. I get that. On the weekend he’s allowed to play for a bit. And even during the week, he gets to play the odd 15 minutes of educational apps. I am the most strict person I know about screen time. I don’t like that. I wish I wasn’t the one taking the only thing these kids seem to care about away from them. It doesn’t make me proud to say I’m the most strict. It’s actually a thorn in my side. I don’t want to be the parent everyone else has to appease at a playdate. I WANT to be the parent that is chill and lax; however, there is a problem with that. The problem is that my son is a jerk when he gets screen time. It’s like night and day.
I keep playing with the variables: which games, which days, length of time, time of day, amount of sleep, something he ate, who is he playing the games with, how do we stop the game time, small chunks of gaming time vs one large chunk, and whichever way it shakes out, it’s just the screen in front of his face. He becomes so dissatisfied with everything around him. Nothing is good enough. Nothing makes him happy. He just wants to lay around. He’s negative. He’s mean. He’s ungrateful. This isn’t my kid without gaming, I swear!
He loves gaming. And I love him. I want him to get to do what he loves, but at what cost? He’s been sent to bed at 6:00 this evening because of a crappy attitude and I’m still (hours later) trying to work out what happened and all I can pin it down to was that stupid PS3 he was playing with his buddy. Sometimes I think I’m delusional and he’s just being a normal kid and I’m building this all up in my head but it’s TOTALLY there. I’ve tried to bring this up with others but I just get blank looks. Bear in mind, though, that these are people whose kids are on screens constantly whether it’s TV, ipad, video games, computer, youtube, or whatever it may be. I can’t help but wonder if they’d notice a difference if the child were to step away from it for an extended amount of time?
But they’re not going to. And that’s none of my business, regardless.
What I’d like to do is get rid of the gaming systems. But I’m accutely aware of how that might impact our relationship. I’m also (sadly) aware of how that might impact his peer relationships. I’ve talked to him about the behaviour switch and he’s aware of what his parents are seeing but still no change in outcome. I know that he likely needs some kind of experience with all these systems just to keep up with what’s going on around him. I want him to be technology savvy. But I’d also like him to be not a jerk.
Is there some kind of research out there that supports this? Or is this a me-specific issue? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! 😦 I can hear myself talking in the past, I can read the words written here, and I will admit that it sounds irrational for this to be such a problem, especially when it’s such a prominent part of our day to day lives. But I can’t deny it. Are other people denying it for the simple reason that it’s easier to have kids in front of a screen than it is otherwise? Is that super-bitchy to even ask? Do other people question themselves this much? :O
Has anyone else had this experience? If so, what was the solution? I’m really flailing here. I am going to poke around and see what I can find. In the mean time – I will continue the good fight in raising a man who is not a jerk.
ninjachelsea 